Do’s and don’ts of ordering wine at a restaurant

The dance between a restaurant and its customers is a beautiful one when all goes well. Like all intricate situations, there is complex and constantly evolving etiquette to govern that dance. What’s expected, what’s accepted and what is neither depends on the restaurant and the guest. For this reason, the place you trust to meet your needs becomes your “go-to” restaurant.
There is no absolute right or wrong when it comes to wine service in a restaurant. Much depends on the style, concept and service culture. But if you find yourself wondering whether it’s OK or tacky to ask for a sample, there’s more to this question than meets the eye. Here’s is why.

Wine by the glass

Assumption: The restaurant should offer guests a sample if they’re unsure they’ll enjoy the wine.
Reality: One of the more frequent expectations is that guests should be able to taste wines before purchasing.This concept seems relatively simple, especially when it comes to wine that is sold by the glass, but it can be a struggle for the restaurant. The restaurant business is one of the most difficult endeavors in the world, and this is a contributing factor.
Bottom line: A restaurant that allows “try before you buy” can be taken advantage of in striving to offer good service. Most guests have a sincere and honest intent, but there are those who are, essentially, looking for free drinks. If the restaurant protects itself by prohibiting tasting, they upset most of their guests. But if they allow it over time, they lose a substantial amount of income. Some balance this by adjusting their prices slightly higher to factor in for loss.

Wine bottle

Assumption: If you’re buying a bottle of wine, you should be able to try the wine first.
Reality: When the subject is wines that are sold only by the bottle, expecting a taste becomes more complex. The restaurant may keep opened bottles on a wine-preservation system of frequently purchased labels. But if they don’t, the guest should not expect they can have a bottle opened just for a taste test.
There are other rules at play when you order a bottle. The most general rule is that if the guest chooses the wine and it’s not flawed (corked, cooked or oxidized), then it should be the guest’s responsibility to pay for it, even if he or she doesn’t like it. If the wine is flawed, then the restaurant should take it back and replace it or remove it from the bill. Disagreements can arise over this. Guests’ judgment of aroma and flavor can be influenced by gum, mints, having just brushed their teeth, perfume and a host of other factors.
Bottom line: This is where it comes in handy to be in your “go-to” restaurant. You trust that the experts here will know if the wine truly has gone bad and will take care of you. But if you are in a restaurant where you don’t know or trust the staff, the etiquette rule is that you should defer to the restaurant’s judgment.

Carafe

Assumption: If my wine comes in a carafe, I cannot be sure it’s the wine I ordered.
Reality: When you order wine by the glass in a high-end restaurant, it’s common to have carafe service. Carafes come in standard measurement sizes (usually 6 ounces), so you can be confident of an honest pour; the hundreds of styles and shapes that wine glasses come in can be deceptive as to volume. This is not to say that the restaurants that free pour into the glass are shorting you.
Bottom line: It’s a service choice, dictated by the restaurant’s style. If the restaurant has carafe service and you do like to see the bottle, there is nothing wrong with asking for the carafe to be poured at your table.
Wine pairings
Assumption: Red with meat, white with fish. But if I ask for a suggestion, will the staff push for the priciest wine?
Reality: Despite the much-friendlier climate that wine exists in these days, many people still feel a little intimidated by wine and food pairing. It is both super simple and super complex. The days of “red with meat and white with fish” are long gone as wines have evolved and our culinary avenues have widened. It is perfectly acceptable for you to ask for the restaurant’s help. The staff has trained for this.
Bottom line: A good restaurant will not lead you to the most expensive bottle on the menu, but to the best match with the food you’ve ordered. Likewise, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to order a wine you know and like, whether or not it’s technically a good pairing.

It’s always OK to...

Speak up: There can be tremendous fluctuations among vintages of the same wine. If the server brings you a different vintage than the one you ordered, say something. That’s the point of showing you the label.
article from: http://www.democratandchronicle.com/story/lifestyle/wine/2017/04/06/dos-donts-ordering-wine-restaurant/100094396/